During the winter break I read the booklet Graduate School for You: A Guide to Prospective Graduate Students by Kidwell and Flagg and was very surprised at all that I learned. I have never before had graduate school described as “the opportunity to take control of your life,” and that is statement that expresses what I want in my life. I have had very little control in my life or the decisions I have made. As a child, choices were dictated by my parents and as a young adult my choices have been formed by not only my family but my financial status. I feel like I have been jumping through hoops to try and take the right classes and get scholarships and no matter how high I jump it is never high enough. College is like living in a race without anytime to catch my breath and with little control over the classes or life I live. I would love to take control over my life and my career. I think one of my biggest fears is that I will get my education and end up in a job that is unrewarding.
I was astonished at the amount of federal aid received by students pursuing a graduate degree and was not aware that there were fellowships offered by organizations and institutions to fund students. Although they are highly competitive and depend on academic merit as a source of income they do provide students with great opportunities. The only funding I was aware of was that given to research assistants and teaching assistants who are paid to work for the institution. I hoped that when I applied to graduate school I would be considered for a research position because I do have some experience and I hope to learn more.
I was shocked to learn that there are 1,800 higher education institutions in the United States. How am I ever supposed to choose one university to attend when there are unlimited possibilities? Even being limited to the biomedical field there is an endless list of programs in a countless number of schools. Kerry, a McNair alumnus, and a colleague in my lab, gave me a stack of mail that she had received from graduate programs and every school sounds wonderful, special, and unique.
It is equally as difficult for me to decide what kind of research I wanted to specialize in because many programs interest me. For example, the Human Genome Project has revolutionized our understanding of DNA and how genes translate into who we are. As a twin genetics has always been fascinating to me. I am also very interested in cancer and neurological research and there are countless other biomedical programs I have yet to be exposed too. There is one thing that I know for sure though and that is whatever I choose to do and wherever I go I will work to help people. I want to see my research make people happy and change the world and that will always be my motivation.
The booklet asked me to make an honest evaluation of myself and this perhaps is the hardest task for me to fulfill. I feel that I am intelligent and hard working and that I will always try my best but my greatest weakest is not believing in myself. Some days I can honestly say that I do not have the confidence that I am smart enough or good enough to go to a prestigious graduate school or apply to fellowships that depend on academic merit. I fear being rejected and it will be the one thing that keeps me from applying. But I can promise that I will always do my best and I won’t let anyone hold me back not even me.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Shine
You know that nervous feeling you get when you walk into a room, you don’t know anyone and you hope that someone will sit down next to you. You are worried about what everyone thinks of you at the same time that they are worried about what you think of them. That’s how I felt when I walked into orientation. But to my relief it worked out better than I could have imagined. Bianca is the Multicultural Advisor for my dorm and though I hadn’t spoken with her we recognized each other and she sat down next to me. As soon as we started talking we found that we had a lot in common and I think we will become fast friends. As we shared stories and details about our lives I learned that she lived directly above my dorm and I think we are both very happy to have a fellow McNair scholar that lives close by. She seems to be such a happy and positive person and someone I hope to get to know better. I know that I will be spending a lot of time with these ten students and I hope we all become great friends. I feel that the McNair program is much more than an opportunity to learn about graduate school but a chance to meet new people. One of the reasons that Marching Band, the Honors Program, and UROP have made a lasting impression in my life is because I have met great directors, teachers, mentors and lifelong friends. I heard this quote from a movie and I feel that it is why finding organizations like McNair and friendships are so important.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people don't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others (Timo Cruz- Coach Carter).
Our goal is not to compete with each other but to find encouragement and understanding within each other. Friends we can depend on when times are hard and are there to celebrate when we succeed. The road of success does not have to be dark and no longer does it have to be traveled alone but it can be traveled with friends who shine together.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people don't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others (Timo Cruz- Coach Carter).
Our goal is not to compete with each other but to find encouragement and understanding within each other. Friends we can depend on when times are hard and are there to celebrate when we succeed. The road of success does not have to be dark and no longer does it have to be traveled alone but it can be traveled with friends who shine together.
The Key
When I left the Undergraduate Research Opportunity Program at the University of Michigan-Ann Arbor I seriously questioned if I was making the right decision to travel to Central Michigan University. Leaving behind the friends and connections I had made and the comforts of home to start over new. I visited Central Michigan before the summer and I fell in love with the school and how it felt when people cared very much about my success, financial security, and well being. I was more than an ID and tuition bill but a person and a student first and foremost. I could see CMU being my new home. But as I left UofM I wondered if it was wise to leave a university known nationally for its medical research and a place in the fall Undergraduate Research Opportunity Program to go to school that was not as well known for research and where no one knew me. I wrote several teachers at CMU expressing my interest in their laboratory research and meeting with them. When I arrived I met with a couple of the teachers and secured a lab position. From there I was introduced to the McNair Scholars Program and the promise it held for students like me, applied, and was accepted. One of the most important lessons I learned from this experience is that opportunities are not given they are made. Life will always present you with endless possibilities but being able to see the doors open to you and have the courage to walk through them is the key to changing your own life.
I feel confident that as a member of the McNair Scholars Program I am where I am suppose to be. We had our first meeting today and I learned about my classmates and how the program would help us to reach our full potential. I was amazed at the generosity of the program and the directors who are willing to fund our research, conferences, traveling expenses, McNair classes, GRE preparation, and test. I felt comforted to learn that I was no longer alone and there are students who are motivated to work hard and have just as many questions as I do. We had the opportunity to tell about our past and what had brought us to McNair and listen to each other’s history. The stories that affected me the most were Maureen’s and Lynn’s. It is very rare to find people who talk honestly and openly about the fears and obstacles they had to overcome in their past and I was surprised at how much they mirrored my own. They understood how blind and confused I felt with no one to guide me through school because at one time they had felt that way too. I feel that with our common backgrounds it will be easier to confide in them and trust that my questions will not be considered foolish or that my character will be judged. I don’t know if they realized that their willingness to trust us with their stories meant so much but they did to me.
I feel confident that as a member of the McNair Scholars Program I am where I am suppose to be. We had our first meeting today and I learned about my classmates and how the program would help us to reach our full potential. I was amazed at the generosity of the program and the directors who are willing to fund our research, conferences, traveling expenses, McNair classes, GRE preparation, and test. I felt comforted to learn that I was no longer alone and there are students who are motivated to work hard and have just as many questions as I do. We had the opportunity to tell about our past and what had brought us to McNair and listen to each other’s history. The stories that affected me the most were Maureen’s and Lynn’s. It is very rare to find people who talk honestly and openly about the fears and obstacles they had to overcome in their past and I was surprised at how much they mirrored my own. They understood how blind and confused I felt with no one to guide me through school because at one time they had felt that way too. I feel that with our common backgrounds it will be easier to confide in them and trust that my questions will not be considered foolish or that my character will be judged. I don’t know if they realized that their willingness to trust us with their stories meant so much but they did to me.
The Research of My Life
Research is not my life but my life is like research. In life and research I feel like I am walking into the darkness holding tightly to a candle of knowledge to lighten my way and hoping that I am traveling in the right direction. Both are filled with unanswered questions and unexpected results. They have good days and bad. They are often frustrating as I am faced with obstacles and trials to overcome. Research and life are only truly understood in retrospect when I reflect on the past, what I have learned, and the people who have helped me on the way. Time is always ticking fast but research is slow and people spend a lifetime waiting to grow and then wishing they did not grow up so fast. In both there is a constant fear that I will not live up to the expectations of others and never reach the impossible standards I set for myself. Both are filled with consequences of great success and failure. Success that is measured by my motivation to never give, to learn that falling down is necessary to live and failure is for those who are too afraid to try. Science is learning and making discoveries that will change the world. Life is discovering who I am, learning from the people and experiences in my life, and the transformations that change me so I too can change the world.
Life Experiences
Currently, I am working with a graduate student named Helen Mao. She is from China and I have really enjoyed getting to know her over the last couple of months. We became fast friends and are learning so much from each other. As she teaches me about two-yeast hybrid assays I am teaching her more about the American culture. It is amazing how different China is from the United States and how her experiences compare to mine. We share stories and laughs as we describe growing up and the special moments in our lives that define our cultures.
We have spent the semester working on techniques like electrophoresis, bacterial transformation, DNA plasmid isolation, and the yeast two-hybrid assay to identify the binding partners of the copine A protein. This can help us to determine the possible functions of copine A proteins and the signaling pathway in which they may be involved. It was a frustrating semester full of trial and errors as we tried to conduct a yeast- two hybrid assay that had never before been performed using Dictyostelium discoideum DNA. When the plates did not show results there were many variables to consider causing us to have to perform the experiment several more times. We discovered that instead of using 0.5 µL of DNA as the protocol suggested we had to use approximately 2,000 times that amount for the yeast to grow properly on the plates. Even though the experience was frustrating because it put my ability as a scientist into question I felt that I gained knowledge and skills that I would not have learned otherwise. I learned how to form questions and hypothesize about the results or lack of results we received and understand the process of the yeast two-hybrid to a much greater extent.
We have spent the semester working on techniques like electrophoresis, bacterial transformation, DNA plasmid isolation, and the yeast two-hybrid assay to identify the binding partners of the copine A protein. This can help us to determine the possible functions of copine A proteins and the signaling pathway in which they may be involved. It was a frustrating semester full of trial and errors as we tried to conduct a yeast- two hybrid assay that had never before been performed using Dictyostelium discoideum DNA. When the plates did not show results there were many variables to consider causing us to have to perform the experiment several more times. We discovered that instead of using 0.5 µL of DNA as the protocol suggested we had to use approximately 2,000 times that amount for the yeast to grow properly on the plates. Even though the experience was frustrating because it put my ability as a scientist into question I felt that I gained knowledge and skills that I would not have learned otherwise. I learned how to form questions and hypothesize about the results or lack of results we received and understand the process of the yeast two-hybrid to a much greater extent.
Accepted
I have been working in Dr. Damer's lab for a semester now and it has been an extraordinary experience. Unfortunately with all of my classes and studying during this semester I could not complete nearly as much research as I had hoped to do. I am looking forward to taking part in more research this semester because as a member of the McNair Program I was asked to limit my credit hours so I could devote my time to conducting research.
Dr. Damer is one of the most dedicated, helpful, and happiest research scientists I have ever met. She meets with her lab members at least twice a week, an individual meeting to discuss weekly progress and future goals, and a group lab meeting to learn of our coworkers progress. I feel very fortunate to be able to discuss not only my performance and observations in the lab but my educational goals and what I can expect as a graduate student. Dr. Damer is much more then the director of this lab, but a mentor and a friend. Dr. Damer confided in me that she often wondered if she had made the right career choice and questioned if there was not an easier path she could have taken but in the end she cannot imagine being happy doing anything else. As I question my future and the choices I make I can only hope that one day I am as happy as she is with my career choice.
The other students I work with are all very intelligent and dedicated to performing research. I was surprised to learn that their dedication to hard work is only surpassed by their loyalty and friendships with each other. Scientists have a reputation of quietly and independently making discoveries while avoiding social situations and the conflicts of the outside world. I have learned that the depiction of isolation and seclusion made popular by books like Frankenstein and on the movie screen is absolutely false. In Dr. Damer's lab, everyone is very good friends and have had the opportunity to bond with each other over the summer and spend time together outside of school. The atmosphere in the lab is always relaxed and full of good humor. Their friendships go beyond school work and laboratory research and that is what makes this lab special. They not only support and encourage each other as they face the challenges of difficult experiments and unexpected data but congratulate each other’s new discoveries and success.
During our first laboratory meeting after the Thanksgiving break, Tasha, a graduate student employed in the lab, looked over the table at me and said “Helena, Dr. Damer said that you had some very exciting news to share with all of us," and I did, I told them how I had found out over break that I had been accepted into the McNair Scholars Program and everyone congratulated me and applauded. I smiled at that moment because I felt like I had truly become a member of Dr. Damer's Lab.
Dr. Damer is one of the most dedicated, helpful, and happiest research scientists I have ever met. She meets with her lab members at least twice a week, an individual meeting to discuss weekly progress and future goals, and a group lab meeting to learn of our coworkers progress. I feel very fortunate to be able to discuss not only my performance and observations in the lab but my educational goals and what I can expect as a graduate student. Dr. Damer is much more then the director of this lab, but a mentor and a friend. Dr. Damer confided in me that she often wondered if she had made the right career choice and questioned if there was not an easier path she could have taken but in the end she cannot imagine being happy doing anything else. As I question my future and the choices I make I can only hope that one day I am as happy as she is with my career choice.
The other students I work with are all very intelligent and dedicated to performing research. I was surprised to learn that their dedication to hard work is only surpassed by their loyalty and friendships with each other. Scientists have a reputation of quietly and independently making discoveries while avoiding social situations and the conflicts of the outside world. I have learned that the depiction of isolation and seclusion made popular by books like Frankenstein and on the movie screen is absolutely false. In Dr. Damer's lab, everyone is very good friends and have had the opportunity to bond with each other over the summer and spend time together outside of school. The atmosphere in the lab is always relaxed and full of good humor. Their friendships go beyond school work and laboratory research and that is what makes this lab special. They not only support and encourage each other as they face the challenges of difficult experiments and unexpected data but congratulate each other’s new discoveries and success.
During our first laboratory meeting after the Thanksgiving break, Tasha, a graduate student employed in the lab, looked over the table at me and said “Helena, Dr. Damer said that you had some very exciting news to share with all of us," and I did, I told them how I had found out over break that I had been accepted into the McNair Scholars Program and everyone congratulated me and applauded. I smiled at that moment because I felt like I had truly become a member of Dr. Damer's Lab.
My Future Left to Chance
My future is left to chance according to the novel Getting What I Came For: The Smart Student’s Guide to Earning a Master’s or PH.D. No matter how many academic obstacles I overcome my future lies in the hands of a select few men and women, who I have never met. I have to convince a group of faulty members, in 500 words or less, that I am the very best applicant for their program and prove how motivated, dedicated, and intelligent I am. It’s so hard to determine what makes a person a good applicant and what makes their application one that stays on the pile to one that is discarded and forgotten. According to Robert Peters the application must be more than a GRE score and a GPA, but also focused research goals and a great interview. This realization made me happy because I am very worried about my grades and GRE scores and I want the school that chooses to interview me to look at so much more than some scores that don’t say very much about me as a person.
I wish this confidence continued throughout the novel but a few pages further I read this quote and lost it “even the best student may not be able to get into their first-choice school, most students have to settle for schools below the top rank, and many aren’t accepted at all…many were unrealistic and aimed to high.” WHAT!!! I drew a frowny face next to this passage in the book. I don’t think it is a secret that I am very worried that I will be rejected. I really hope I learn how to access my credentials and apply to schools I will actually get into.
In the section “Recommendations: What makes a Good Letter,” the author states that a letter from a famous teacher is more important than that of an unknown teacher. I think what upset me the most about this passage is how a wonderful teacher without a name is considered not valuable. I’m sure that a letter written by Dr. Hoban (the woman I worked for at the University of Michigan) would fit the bill but I recently learned that her research has taken her to a new place and so I very much doubt that I will be able to obtain a recommendation from her. I believe I could get a dozen recommendations from other teachers but which ones would be considered great? I have two other teachers who I have done research with who I feel can write me great letters but I am having a difficult time deciding who my third teacher should be. When I was talking to Dr. Becky Hayes she said that she requested five recommendations when she applied to the University of Florida and she believes that one of the reasons she got accepted is because all five of those people sent recommendations. Would it reflect positively on me if five teachers sent letters for me or seem like I was trying to hard? What if I asked for a recommendation from one of my favorite biology teachers who is the head of the biology department at HFCC but she only has a master’s degree. Or a math teacher who has masters but can write me one of the best and honest recommendations to tell people what a hard working and dedicated student I am? What is more important a recommendation from a big name or from a teacher who knows me and will write a letter that is heartfelt, truly caring if I succeed?
I know I have expressed many doubts but I think McNair will give me the opportunity to learn about how to “slant my essay and interviews,” and when and how to contact faulty members. The author did make it very clear that the essay gives the committee an opportunity to hear my “personal voice” and to make that voice sound well informed, research focused, and not poetic or emotional. I hope McNair will teach me to not be poetic or emotional I tend to put my feeling into writing. I think that being part of McNair makes me feel that I am traveling in the right directions with people who believe that I can succeed. I have always been lucky to have directors, mentors, teachers, and friends who support me and see my future even when I can’t. Because of McNair, I have friends who understand what I am going though so we can laugh, cry, and freak out about graduate school together.
I wish this confidence continued throughout the novel but a few pages further I read this quote and lost it “even the best student may not be able to get into their first-choice school, most students have to settle for schools below the top rank, and many aren’t accepted at all…many were unrealistic and aimed to high.” WHAT!!! I drew a frowny face next to this passage in the book. I don’t think it is a secret that I am very worried that I will be rejected. I really hope I learn how to access my credentials and apply to schools I will actually get into.
In the section “Recommendations: What makes a Good Letter,” the author states that a letter from a famous teacher is more important than that of an unknown teacher. I think what upset me the most about this passage is how a wonderful teacher without a name is considered not valuable. I’m sure that a letter written by Dr. Hoban (the woman I worked for at the University of Michigan) would fit the bill but I recently learned that her research has taken her to a new place and so I very much doubt that I will be able to obtain a recommendation from her. I believe I could get a dozen recommendations from other teachers but which ones would be considered great? I have two other teachers who I have done research with who I feel can write me great letters but I am having a difficult time deciding who my third teacher should be. When I was talking to Dr. Becky Hayes she said that she requested five recommendations when she applied to the University of Florida and she believes that one of the reasons she got accepted is because all five of those people sent recommendations. Would it reflect positively on me if five teachers sent letters for me or seem like I was trying to hard? What if I asked for a recommendation from one of my favorite biology teachers who is the head of the biology department at HFCC but she only has a master’s degree. Or a math teacher who has masters but can write me one of the best and honest recommendations to tell people what a hard working and dedicated student I am? What is more important a recommendation from a big name or from a teacher who knows me and will write a letter that is heartfelt, truly caring if I succeed?
I know I have expressed many doubts but I think McNair will give me the opportunity to learn about how to “slant my essay and interviews,” and when and how to contact faulty members. The author did make it very clear that the essay gives the committee an opportunity to hear my “personal voice” and to make that voice sound well informed, research focused, and not poetic or emotional. I hope McNair will teach me to not be poetic or emotional I tend to put my feeling into writing. I think that being part of McNair makes me feel that I am traveling in the right directions with people who believe that I can succeed. I have always been lucky to have directors, mentors, teachers, and friends who support me and see my future even when I can’t. Because of McNair, I have friends who understand what I am going though so we can laugh, cry, and freak out about graduate school together.
The Girl that No One Saw Coming
You have to love McNair seminars, I do. Isa and Maria are alumni that came to visit us today to talk about their experience being members of McNair, applying to graduate school, and living the dream. Their stories were enjoyable and eye opening in many ways. I was surprised to learn that both girls faced so much rejection on their road to success. They both applied to universities that rejected them and they had to choose different paths then they had originally intended. This is my greatest fear when applying to graduate school. I don’t cope well with failure and rejection. I take the rejections so personally and I see more and more that rejection is a part of life and being able to move on is really the success.
I told Maureen and Lynn how excited I was about some of the prestigious biomedical programs I had researched and they both said that I should go for it. I am stilled worried that I am not good enough or smart enough to ever get accepted into these university. Until recently, I never even considered myself high ranking school material. I was just some nobody, invisible, who has no footprints yet. I would really like to be the girl that no one saw coming and who surprised everyone.
I think it is interesting how applying to a PhD program is so much more than a GPA and GRE score. When we read the applications of students we decided that the prestigious school and grades didn’t seem as important as what the person did and who they were. Our applicant Dan Gerous was so much more than a student or a prestigious name he was a person I could see working with and succeeding in his field. I hope very much that the programs I apply to care about who I am. Consider the person I am and if they think I would succeed in their program. In the end they have to accept all of me not just the student but the girl who learns through example, who needs an active mentor who cares about their students success, a girl who excels in a program with understanding and encouragement, a girl who will work to exceed the expectations of the program that she loves to be a part of as a way to thank them for the opportunities given to her.
The last lesson I learned was that things in life always happen for a reason. Isa academic career seemed to be full of moments where things didn’t turn out just as she had planned or expected but it all worked out in the end. She didn’t have funding for school right away and out of the blue she ran into a friend who helped her to get a job. Later on at Michigan State (which wasn’t her first choice in schools) she had found the support of a wonderful advisor (who she only met because of a natural disaster), changed her Ph.D., and got fully funded. It is times like these that I think that things will all turn out in the end.
I told Maureen and Lynn how excited I was about some of the prestigious biomedical programs I had researched and they both said that I should go for it. I am stilled worried that I am not good enough or smart enough to ever get accepted into these university. Until recently, I never even considered myself high ranking school material. I was just some nobody, invisible, who has no footprints yet. I would really like to be the girl that no one saw coming and who surprised everyone.
I think it is interesting how applying to a PhD program is so much more than a GPA and GRE score. When we read the applications of students we decided that the prestigious school and grades didn’t seem as important as what the person did and who they were. Our applicant Dan Gerous was so much more than a student or a prestigious name he was a person I could see working with and succeeding in his field. I hope very much that the programs I apply to care about who I am. Consider the person I am and if they think I would succeed in their program. In the end they have to accept all of me not just the student but the girl who learns through example, who needs an active mentor who cares about their students success, a girl who excels in a program with understanding and encouragement, a girl who will work to exceed the expectations of the program that she loves to be a part of as a way to thank them for the opportunities given to her.
The last lesson I learned was that things in life always happen for a reason. Isa academic career seemed to be full of moments where things didn’t turn out just as she had planned or expected but it all worked out in the end. She didn’t have funding for school right away and out of the blue she ran into a friend who helped her to get a job. Later on at Michigan State (which wasn’t her first choice in schools) she had found the support of a wonderful advisor (who she only met because of a natural disaster), changed her Ph.D., and got fully funded. It is times like these that I think that things will all turn out in the end.
The Wisdom of Mistakes
I conducted the x-gal assay today and I think it was a very valuable learning experience, to learn about science and myself. Helen was out of town at a graduate school interview so I began the experiment by myself. First I read through the protocol and noted that it said specifically “put the filter paper on the gel slowly to avoid bubbles,” and I started adding the filter paper being careful not to move the paper after I added them to the gel. I was pretty happy with the results. then I realize I had made a huge mistake. I had set the filter paper very slowly and carefully on top of the gel but I had been so gentle that the paper was not becoming saturated with the colonies and needed to be pressed down. I knew I had to be careful not to move the paper or contaminate the colonies so I started from the edge and tried to anchor the paper to the gel hoping that it would saturate and that is when the filter started to bubble. I was like please NOOOOOOOOOO! Immediately, I realized what I had done, if I had put the filter paper on slowly letting it saturate as I laid it on the gel I could have avoided this fiasco (you live and learn next time I will know better).
Of course the minute I realized my mistake my mentor came to see how I was doing and I was mortified, of course. I wanted to hide my mistake. I was afraid she would question my ability to do research; she would have to lower her expectations of me. What a fundamental thing to get wrong she would surly think I was stupid, that is how I felt. She looked at what happened and she helped me to fix the filter papers and we finished the protocol together. I learned how she put the filter paper on and I thanked her for her help. She said she had fun. I was relieved that she didn’t think I was a complete failure. She seemed to understand that I was just learning.
That was not the only lesson I learned but when I reflected on the experience I realized that the first time I performed the assay with Helen I should have been more proactive and hands When the protocol became more complex and called for accuracy and precision I took the back seat and watched. I was so afraid that I would make a mistake. I think I need to be more confident in my ability to do research and more accepting that mistakes are made and they are a part of learning. I think that being able to trouble shoot and learn how to pick myself up when I fall is a valuable lesson to learn when I start my own research and must use my problem solving skills and never give up. I have found that Helen is equally as understanding as Dr. Damer and grateful for my help working on the yeast-two hybrid assay. I have learned a lot from both of them like the simple things learned through practice and the wisdom they have gained over the years from making their own mistakes.
Of course the minute I realized my mistake my mentor came to see how I was doing and I was mortified, of course. I wanted to hide my mistake. I was afraid she would question my ability to do research; she would have to lower her expectations of me. What a fundamental thing to get wrong she would surly think I was stupid, that is how I felt. She looked at what happened and she helped me to fix the filter papers and we finished the protocol together. I learned how she put the filter paper on and I thanked her for her help. She said she had fun. I was relieved that she didn’t think I was a complete failure. She seemed to understand that I was just learning.
That was not the only lesson I learned but when I reflected on the experience I realized that the first time I performed the assay with Helen I should have been more proactive and hands When the protocol became more complex and called for accuracy and precision I took the back seat and watched. I was so afraid that I would make a mistake. I think I need to be more confident in my ability to do research and more accepting that mistakes are made and they are a part of learning. I think that being able to trouble shoot and learn how to pick myself up when I fall is a valuable lesson to learn when I start my own research and must use my problem solving skills and never give up. I have found that Helen is equally as understanding as Dr. Damer and grateful for my help working on the yeast-two hybrid assay. I have learned a lot from both of them like the simple things learned through practice and the wisdom they have gained over the years from making their own mistakes.
Now I Can See the Light
As soon as you think everything has gone terribly wrong that is when you find out that everything will turn out alright.
Helen and I have been performing the yeast-two hybrid assay for a semester and we have slowly been refining the protocol, as we have discovered how much DNA is necessary for the yeast cells to grow on the plates, and how to limit the number of colonies so that we do not get false-positive results due to leaking Histidine channels. At first we tried limiting the amount of cells we put on the plates and the amount of DNA used in the transformation to no avail. Each new round of petri dishes had far too many colonies. Then we tried to put the 3-AT (used to prevent the leaking of the Histidine channels) on top of the agar on the plates this was another frustrating dead end.
We were unsure of what to do next because everything we tried seemed to fail. Helen decided that she would make a new batch of plates with twice as much 3-AT, decreased the DNA, and the amount of cells per plate and we waited to see if any cells would grow. After five days only one or two cells grew so I decided perhaps we should make several plates with various amounts of 3AT. I made the plates during the weekend and on Monday cells showed up on Helen plates. The colonies were late but we were happy to see them. There were only a few colonies on each plate the results were amazing. Helen and I were so happy we finally had a glimpse of success. It always feels so good to do something right.
Sometimes research feels like I’m walking around in the dark and I have no idea where I’m going. With my hands outstretched before me I am looking for the light switch to turn on the lights and often I bump into things and am so close to the light switch but can’t seem to turn the light on. Until one day when I think that I have ended up at one more dead end I have found the light switch and now I can see the light.
Helen and I have been performing the yeast-two hybrid assay for a semester and we have slowly been refining the protocol, as we have discovered how much DNA is necessary for the yeast cells to grow on the plates, and how to limit the number of colonies so that we do not get false-positive results due to leaking Histidine channels. At first we tried limiting the amount of cells we put on the plates and the amount of DNA used in the transformation to no avail. Each new round of petri dishes had far too many colonies. Then we tried to put the 3-AT (used to prevent the leaking of the Histidine channels) on top of the agar on the plates this was another frustrating dead end.
We were unsure of what to do next because everything we tried seemed to fail. Helen decided that she would make a new batch of plates with twice as much 3-AT, decreased the DNA, and the amount of cells per plate and we waited to see if any cells would grow. After five days only one or two cells grew so I decided perhaps we should make several plates with various amounts of 3AT. I made the plates during the weekend and on Monday cells showed up on Helen plates. The colonies were late but we were happy to see them. There were only a few colonies on each plate the results were amazing. Helen and I were so happy we finally had a glimpse of success. It always feels so good to do something right.
Sometimes research feels like I’m walking around in the dark and I have no idea where I’m going. With my hands outstretched before me I am looking for the light switch to turn on the lights and often I bump into things and am so close to the light switch but can’t seem to turn the light on. Until one day when I think that I have ended up at one more dead end I have found the light switch and now I can see the light.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
I Can Read
I learned how to read today. I know you’re sitting there saying to yourself you don’t know how to read, what? It is absolutely true. Dr. Mowrey spoke to us about how to read at our seminar and I felt like my eyes were being open for the very first time. This explains why in childhood I had such a difficult time learning to read and comprehending the stories I read. And why in high school when I was taking Accelerated English courses I had such a hard time understanding what was wrong with the essays I was writing.
She said “if you have a tool you know how to use well, you can always use it on a project you don’t quite understand,” and that is true if you know how to read well you can always use your skills to read things you don’t understand. If you can read and understand a book or journal then you can write a great paper and if you can express your ideas on paper then you can express your ideas to people. It is your ability to talk to people that will help move you forward in the world making friends and meeting colleagues who will respect you and encourage you to succeed.
I was so excited about this new realization that I rushed home and called my little brother Leelynn. I said “Leelynn do you want to succeed?” And he said “yea, sure.” I said good “I’m going to teach you how to read.” He wasn’t perhaps as excited as I was but he will be. I told him that he no longer had to struggle with trying to understand a book or have difficulty reading and writing papers because I had the tools to help him. And no matter if he wanted to be an artist or an engineer he would have to know how to read and communicate effectively with others.
I told my mom and my aunt how this had made a light bulb go off in my head. It explained why my older brothers, sister, and I all had a very difficult time learning to read and write book reports in school. We all learned from the same school system and one that did not lay a strong foundation for our reading potential. I had succeeded in English class and literature classes up to now because I had a wonderful Aunt who helped to teach me the fundamental steps of reading and writing that I had not been exposed too and because I asked a lot of questions when I got something wrong.
I am passing this knowledge to my older brother who is planning to take his GRE and get a masters degree in robotics engineering. He like all of us has little confidence when it comes to reading and writing. We all got discouraged as children when reading was difficult and we were not taught the fundamental steps to understand how to read. I told Leelynn that he had four older brothers and sisters who could teach him how to study for math, science, music, computers, physic and now English and he didn’t have to ever be embarrassed or feel unintelligent because he didn’t understand, now he would be taught.
She said “if you have a tool you know how to use well, you can always use it on a project you don’t quite understand,” and that is true if you know how to read well you can always use your skills to read things you don’t understand. If you can read and understand a book or journal then you can write a great paper and if you can express your ideas on paper then you can express your ideas to people. It is your ability to talk to people that will help move you forward in the world making friends and meeting colleagues who will respect you and encourage you to succeed.
I was so excited about this new realization that I rushed home and called my little brother Leelynn. I said “Leelynn do you want to succeed?” And he said “yea, sure.” I said good “I’m going to teach you how to read.” He wasn’t perhaps as excited as I was but he will be. I told him that he no longer had to struggle with trying to understand a book or have difficulty reading and writing papers because I had the tools to help him. And no matter if he wanted to be an artist or an engineer he would have to know how to read and communicate effectively with others.
I told my mom and my aunt how this had made a light bulb go off in my head. It explained why my older brothers, sister, and I all had a very difficult time learning to read and write book reports in school. We all learned from the same school system and one that did not lay a strong foundation for our reading potential. I had succeeded in English class and literature classes up to now because I had a wonderful Aunt who helped to teach me the fundamental steps of reading and writing that I had not been exposed too and because I asked a lot of questions when I got something wrong.
I am passing this knowledge to my older brother who is planning to take his GRE and get a masters degree in robotics engineering. He like all of us has little confidence when it comes to reading and writing. We all got discouraged as children when reading was difficult and we were not taught the fundamental steps to understand how to read. I told Leelynn that he had four older brothers and sisters who could teach him how to study for math, science, music, computers, physic and now English and he didn’t have to ever be embarrassed or feel unintelligent because he didn’t understand, now he would be taught.
The Woman Behind McNair
I had my first meeting with the director to talk about my progress in the program so far. She seems to genuinely care about her students and wants to make sure they benefit from the program. It is a wonderful feeling to know someone is working hard to give us new and fantastic opportunities. She was very excited to see that I interviewed professors and the questions I had used. She even asked if she could keep them and look over my work. Her excitement made me happy. Lynn seems proud of me and I am too.
I can tell that Lynn loves her job. She loves helping others and that is important to me. She wants to know who I am, about my family, my motivations, and my goals. I am not one more student to go through a program that she is required to monitor as a part of her job. She treats me like a friend someone I can ask questions too and confide in. Her personality is vibrant and gives me the confidence that I can succeed at anything I put my mind too.
When I asked her about what I should look for in a mentor for graduate school she shared with me an e-mail sent to her from a previous McNair Scholar who said that in her own experience the best mentors in the world are those that you get along with and who care about your success as a student. It will not matter what kind of research you are doing if you love who you are working with. I will remember that advice.
The last question I asked her was what school she feels I can apply to and she said that she thinks I can apply to some very prestigious colleges, some smaller middle ranking colleges, and some I am sure I will get into. She said that she thought I could be accepted into some high ranking schools and her encouragement has helped me to believe too. Lynn is a very special person without her the McNair Program would not be the wonderful program it is today.
I can tell that Lynn loves her job. She loves helping others and that is important to me. She wants to know who I am, about my family, my motivations, and my goals. I am not one more student to go through a program that she is required to monitor as a part of her job. She treats me like a friend someone I can ask questions too and confide in. Her personality is vibrant and gives me the confidence that I can succeed at anything I put my mind too.
When I asked her about what I should look for in a mentor for graduate school she shared with me an e-mail sent to her from a previous McNair Scholar who said that in her own experience the best mentors in the world are those that you get along with and who care about your success as a student. It will not matter what kind of research you are doing if you love who you are working with. I will remember that advice.
The last question I asked her was what school she feels I can apply to and she said that she thinks I can apply to some very prestigious colleges, some smaller middle ranking colleges, and some I am sure I will get into. She said that she thought I could be accepted into some high ranking schools and her encouragement has helped me to believe too. Lynn is a very special person without her the McNair Program would not be the wonderful program it is today.
Only the Invisible Do Not Have Handprints
We met for our first research class today. Our instructor appears to be very kind, meticulous and perfect, an English teacher with an editor’s attitude. I think we are very lucky to have her to teach us how to write and perfect our proposal and research papers. But during the lecture she said something that really bothered me she said as researches we must all be modest we shouldn’t believe that one day we are going to cure cancer or change the world. This shocked me all I ever talk about is changing the world. Am I arrogant? Are my goals to high? Am I to proud? I don’t believe I am more intelligent or educated than anyone else but I believe I am doing something important. Her power point read “Recognize that you are not going to solve the world’s problems with one experiment but you are contributing to a larger pool of knowledge,” and I wondered why I wasn’t solving the world’s problems? What am I doing then? If the experiments I do today get published and read by a scientist tomorrow that sparks an idea that leads to an experiment that changes the world then did I not change the world too? By adding to that larger pool of knowledge aren’t I making a difference? Didn’t Alfred Russel Wallace and Rosalind Franklin make a difference? Everyone is changing the world they may not be winning a noble prize but their very existence is changing how people think, who we are. To live and die without leaving a footprint on earth is like being completely invisible. I would rather spend my lifetime believing I was part of something bigger then that my existence was insignificant. I want to leave my handprint on peoples’ lives and in their hearts. That is changing the world.
Their Stories have Changed Mine
When I entered the McNair Program I had already chosen Dr. Damer to be my mentor and was excited to have the opportunity to continue to work on the research we had began during the fall semester. I was asked to interview two other faculty members about their research to get more experience with the interviewing process. At first I was a little frustrated with the assignment I already had my mentor why should I meet with other professors and why should they want to meet with me? I didn’t want them to feel that I am wasting their time. Nevertheless, I e-mailed two science professors I had met during my first semester on campus and to my dismay they were both on leave. I did not know any other professors personally. I told my sister my predicament and she said that I should meet with the Dr. Sheide who she had signed her minor with. Plus, he was my instructor for my Mammalian Physiology course and this would give me an opportunity to introduce myself. I investigated the research Dr. Scheide was interested in and formulated questions not only about his research but his undergraduate school, graduate school, and career experience. He was very open and honest about the choices and trials he faced and I enjoyed the conversation very much. I learned a lot about what to expect when applying to graduate school and in a biological science fields. The last pieces of advice he gave me was to travel and apply to school outside of Michigan. Attending a graduate school would give me the opportunity to see the nation and he encouraged me to look at all my options.
Coincidently, the same piece of advice was given to me by the next instructor that I had visited. I had met Dr. Gorsich when I was working in Dr. Damer lab. He was doing research using yeast cells and he had become an irreplaceable resource to ask questions as we faced obstacles conducting our yeast-two hybrid assay. He was happy to answer all of my questions and I learned about what I should be looking for in a laboratory mentor and research experience as I apply to graduate school. As well as telling me of his own personal choices about college and the difficulty of balancing his academic and career goals with having a family.
The last professor I visited was Dr. Damer and although I knew a lot about her research I knew very little about her life or her expectations of me as a new McNair Scholars. We discussed the new opportunities open to me as a scholar and she was excited for me to visit schools and conferences. She too had wonderful stories and advice to share about choosing graduate schools and mentors. As well as the obstacles she faces as a professor and in her research.
This experience has given me the opportunity to ask my professors questions that I was secretly worried about but had never known who to ask. It was a wonderful learning experience and one I would recommend to everyone. My professors honestly told me what I should expect and shared with me their own personal lives and advice. I am thankful they shared so much.
The McNair Pack
That night we attended dinner where we met the graduating McNair students and had the opportunity to socialize with our classmates and get to know each other. On the way to the restaurant I car pooled with Bianca, Andy, and J.J. and we talked and laughed and I felt that we were old friends’ not new acquaintances. Bianca said to me that weekend “you know I think that if the older students from the previous year were in our group it would not have worked out as well, it’s like we match, do you know what I mean?” and I did I have never been in a group of people who were so diverse but yet very much the same. Perhaps when we interviewed the directors’ analyzed if they thought we would work well together and if that is the case then they have done a wonderful job. In the end I believe we were meant to meet and will learn a lot from each other. Part of what makes this program so special is the friends I am making along the way.
Inspired to Climb
At the end of the orientation there was a common theme that the social mentors shared and that was that each had a mentor in their lives that had helped to guide them to where they are today; a wonderful person who selflessly gave their time and wisdom to see their students succeed, someone who has inspired them to become part of McNair so they could help others. They wanted to give back because they realized they had been given so much. I feel that way too. I am so lucky to have a family who has worked so hard to make sure that their children go to college. I have been in programs, met directors, mentors, friends and the most wonderful teachers who have given me confidence to believe in myself and reach for the stars. Without these people in my life I would not be the same person. I may be climbing a mountain but I am not climbing alone, every step of the way I have had a hand outstretched to help me up and when I slipped they have never let me fall. And I am thankful because I could have never climbed the mountain alone.
Hearing my Fears
We had our second orientation today and were accepted into the program with open arms and welcoming smiles. First we met our social mentor, professors, who we could talk too about our progress through the McNair Program and to have as another resource to ask questions and reflect on our experience. They told each of us their life stories; the choices they had made that had led them to graduate school, and who had helped them on the way. In each story I saw little aspects of myself when they felt alone, unsure, when they met great mentors, and made life changing choices. There is one mentor that had one similar experience that deeply affected me because it reminded me of myself. He said that his father had never attended college, he had a blue collar job working for IBM, but when he was asked in college what his parents did for a living he said that his father worked at IBM because it was a safe answer. Most of his peers had parents who graduated from college and he did not know how his friends would react if they knew his parents did not have a college education. I knew exactly how he felt. It was scary to hear someone speak of a fear so similar to my own the fear that people would find out that you are different, poorer, low status, and believe you are less qualified.
It is hard to explain my feelings because I am confused. I am both proud of my family but embarrassed. I am embarrassed when I have to admit that neither of my parents attended college because I feel that people judge me and believe that my family isn’t intelligent and secretly wondering how I had turned out so smart when my parents were not. This frustrates me very much because I do not believe that my parents are unintelligent. I feel the need to defend them from the assumptions of others. A college degree does not make you a wonderful person, money earned from a good job does not give you a life rich with happiness, and a higher education does not make you a better parent. I imagine that my parents could have chosen to attend college and human services or sports management but that with or without a degree they have made me who I am and I would not change my family for the world.
My parents are very smart and they have given all of their children a chance to attend college. An opportunity they had never been given themselves. The encouragement and support that they did not have when graduating from high school was the gift they gave to me. They wanted to make a better future for their children and they have. My two older brothers, twin sister, younger brother and I are all attending and graduating for college.
My parents are not college graduates that is true but that does not make them less intelligent people or less affectionate parents. My parents have taught me some of the most important lessons in my life. To appreciate and thank the people who help me and to help others; how to be strong, to love, to be accepting, kind, friendly, caring, to work hard and never give up, that life is not always fair but things happen for a reason, when god closes a door he opens a window, and that no matter what path I choose in life they will always stand behind me.
It is hard to explain my feelings because I am confused. I am both proud of my family but embarrassed. I am embarrassed when I have to admit that neither of my parents attended college because I feel that people judge me and believe that my family isn’t intelligent and secretly wondering how I had turned out so smart when my parents were not. This frustrates me very much because I do not believe that my parents are unintelligent. I feel the need to defend them from the assumptions of others. A college degree does not make you a wonderful person, money earned from a good job does not give you a life rich with happiness, and a higher education does not make you a better parent. I imagine that my parents could have chosen to attend college and human services or sports management but that with or without a degree they have made me who I am and I would not change my family for the world.
My parents are very smart and they have given all of their children a chance to attend college. An opportunity they had never been given themselves. The encouragement and support that they did not have when graduating from high school was the gift they gave to me. They wanted to make a better future for their children and they have. My two older brothers, twin sister, younger brother and I are all attending and graduating for college.
My parents are not college graduates that is true but that does not make them less intelligent people or less affectionate parents. My parents have taught me some of the most important lessons in my life. To appreciate and thank the people who help me and to help others; how to be strong, to love, to be accepting, kind, friendly, caring, to work hard and never give up, that life is not always fair but things happen for a reason, when god closes a door he opens a window, and that no matter what path I choose in life they will always stand behind me.
The Family I Love
Returning to Central felt like I was returning home, I was welcomed and remembered and no longer alone. I missed my family but I was growing use to the separation between us and have grown to appreciate our time together because I realize it is fleeting. Perhaps one of the most important lessons I have learned from moving away is how much I love and care for my family and how much they miss and love me too. I am lucky to have a family that supports and encourages me not everyone is so lucky. Every moment is precious and I want my family to be a part of all the important moments in my life.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Promise
During the winter break I read the booklet Graduate School for You: A Guide to Prospective Graduate Students by Kidwell and Flagg and was very surprised at all that I learned. I have never before had graduate school described as “the opportunity to take control of your life,” and that is statement that expresses what I want in my life. I have had very little control in my life or the decisions I have made. As a child, choices were dictated by my parents and as a young adult my choices have been formed by not only my family but my financial status. I feel like I have been jumping through hoops to try and take the right classes and get scholarships and no matter how high I jump it is never high enough. College is like living in a race without anytime to catch my breath and with little control over the classes or life I live. I would love to take control over my life and my career. I think one of my biggest fears is that I will get my education and end up in a job that is unrewarding.
I was astonished at the amount of federal aid received by students pursuing a graduate degree and was not aware that there were fellowships offered by organizations and institutions to fund students. Although they are highly competitive and depend on academic merit as a source of income they do provide students with great opportunities. The only funding I was aware of was that given to research assistants and teaching assistants who are paid to work for the institution. I hoped that when I applied to graduate school I would be considered for a research position because I do have some experience and I hope to learn more.
I was shocked to learn that there are 1,800 higher education institutions in the United States. How am I ever supposed to choose one university to attend when there are unlimited possibilities? Even being limited to the biomedical field there is an endless list of programs in a countless number of schools. Kerry, a McNair alumnus, and a colleague in my lab, gave me a stack of mail that she had received from graduate programs and every school sounds wonderful, special, and unique.
It is equally as difficult for me to decide what kind of research I wanted to specialize in because many programs interest me. For example, the Human Genome Project has revolutionized our understanding of DNA and how genes translate into who we are. As a twin genetics has always been fascinating to me. I am also very interested in cancer and neurological research and there are countless other biomedical programs I have yet to be exposed too. There is one thing that I know for sure though and that is whatever I choose to do and wherever I go I will work to help people. I want to see my research make people happy and change the world and that will always be my motivation.
The booklet asked me to make an honest evaluation of myself and this perhaps is the hardest task for me to fulfill. I feel that I am intelligent and hard working and that I will always try my best but my greatest weakest is not believing in myself. Some days I can honestly say that I do not have the confidence that I am smart enough or good enough to go to a prestigious graduate school or apply to fellowships that depend on academic merit. I fear being rejected and it will be the one thing that keeps me from applying. But I can promise that I will always do my best and I won’t let anyone hold me back not even me.
I was astonished at the amount of federal aid received by students pursuing a graduate degree and was not aware that there were fellowships offered by organizations and institutions to fund students. Although they are highly competitive and depend on academic merit as a source of income they do provide students with great opportunities. The only funding I was aware of was that given to research assistants and teaching assistants who are paid to work for the institution. I hoped that when I applied to graduate school I would be considered for a research position because I do have some experience and I hope to learn more.
I was shocked to learn that there are 1,800 higher education institutions in the United States. How am I ever supposed to choose one university to attend when there are unlimited possibilities? Even being limited to the biomedical field there is an endless list of programs in a countless number of schools. Kerry, a McNair alumnus, and a colleague in my lab, gave me a stack of mail that she had received from graduate programs and every school sounds wonderful, special, and unique.
It is equally as difficult for me to decide what kind of research I wanted to specialize in because many programs interest me. For example, the Human Genome Project has revolutionized our understanding of DNA and how genes translate into who we are. As a twin genetics has always been fascinating to me. I am also very interested in cancer and neurological research and there are countless other biomedical programs I have yet to be exposed too. There is one thing that I know for sure though and that is whatever I choose to do and wherever I go I will work to help people. I want to see my research make people happy and change the world and that will always be my motivation.
The booklet asked me to make an honest evaluation of myself and this perhaps is the hardest task for me to fulfill. I feel that I am intelligent and hard working and that I will always try my best but my greatest weakest is not believing in myself. Some days I can honestly say that I do not have the confidence that I am smart enough or good enough to go to a prestigious graduate school or apply to fellowships that depend on academic merit. I fear being rejected and it will be the one thing that keeps me from applying. But I can promise that I will always do my best and I won’t let anyone hold me back not even me.
Shine
You know that nervous feeling you get when you walk into a room, you don’t know anyone and you hope that someone will sit down next to you. You are worried about what everyone thinks of you at the same time that they are worried about what you think of them. That’s how I felt when I walked into orientation. But to my relief it worked out better than I could have imagined. Bianca is the Multicultural Advisor for my dorm and though I hadn’t spoken with her we recognized each other and she sat down next to me. As soon as we started talking we found that we had a lot in common and I think we will become fast friends. As we shared stories and details about our lives I learned that she lived directly above my dorm and I think we are both very happy to have a fellow McNair scholar that lives close by. She seems to be such a happy and positive person and someone I hope to get to know better. I know that I will be spending a lot of time with these ten students and I hope we all become great friends. I feel that the McNair program is much more than an opportunity to learn about graduate school but a chance to meet new people. One of the reasons that Marching Band, the Honors Program, and UROP have made a lasting impression in my life is because I have met great directors, teachers, mentors and lifelong friends. I heard this quote from a movie and I feel that it is why finding organizations like McNair and friendships are so important.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people don't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others (Timo Cruz- Coach Carter).
Our goal is not to compete with each other but to find encouragement and understanding within each other. Friends we can depend on when times are hard and are there to celebrate when we succeed. The road of success does not have to be dark and no longer does it have to be traveled alone but it can be traveled with friends who shine together.
The Key
When I left the Undergraduate Research Opportunity Program at the University of Michigan-Ann Arbor I seriously questioned if I was making the right decision to travel to Central Michigan University. Leaving behind the friends and connections I had made and the comforts of home to start over new. I visited Central Michigan before the summer and I fell in love with the school and how it felt when people cared very much about my success, financial security, and well being. I was more than an ID and tuition bill but a person and a student first and foremost. I could see CMU being my new home. But as I left UofM I wondered if it was wise to leave a university known nationally for its medical research and a place in the fall Undergraduate Research Opportunity Program to go to school that was not as well known for research and where no one knew me. I wrote several teachers at CMU expressing my interest in their laboratory research and meeting with them. When I arrived I met with a couple of the teachers and secured a lab position. From there I was introduced to the McNair Scholars Program and the promise it held for students like me, applied, and was accepted. One of the most important lessons I learned from this experience is that opportunities are not given they are made. Life will always present you with endless possibilities but being able to see the doors open to you and have the courage to walk through them is the key to changing your own life.
I feel confident that as a member of the McNair Scholars Program I am where I am suppose to be. We had our first meeting today and I learned about my classmates and how the program would help us to reach our full potential. I was amazed at the generosity of the program and the directors who are willing to fund our research, conferences, traveling expenses, McNair classes, GRE preparation, and test. I felt comforted to learn that I was no longer alone and there are students who are motivated to work hard and have just as many questions as I do. We had the opportunity to tell about our past and what had brought us to McNair and listen to each other’s history. The stories that affected me the most were Maureen’s and Lynn’s. It is very rare to find people who talk honestly and openly about the fears and obstacles they had to overcome in their past and I was surprised at how much they mirrored my own. They understood how blind and confused I felt with no one to guide me through school because at one time they had felt that way too. I feel that with our common backgrounds it will be easier to confide in them and trust that my questions will not be considered foolish or that my character will be judged. I don’t know if they realized that their willingness to trust us with their stories meant so much but they did to me.
I feel confident that as a member of the McNair Scholars Program I am where I am suppose to be. We had our first meeting today and I learned about my classmates and how the program would help us to reach our full potential. I was amazed at the generosity of the program and the directors who are willing to fund our research, conferences, traveling expenses, McNair classes, GRE preparation, and test. I felt comforted to learn that I was no longer alone and there are students who are motivated to work hard and have just as many questions as I do. We had the opportunity to tell about our past and what had brought us to McNair and listen to each other’s history. The stories that affected me the most were Maureen’s and Lynn’s. It is very rare to find people who talk honestly and openly about the fears and obstacles they had to overcome in their past and I was surprised at how much they mirrored my own. They understood how blind and confused I felt with no one to guide me through school because at one time they had felt that way too. I feel that with our common backgrounds it will be easier to confide in them and trust that my questions will not be considered foolish or that my character will be judged. I don’t know if they realized that their willingness to trust us with their stories meant so much but they did to me.
The Research of My Life
Research is not my life but my life is like research. In life and research I feel like I am walking into the darkness holding tightly to a candle of knowledge to lighten my way and hoping that I am traveling in the right direction. Both are filled with unanswered questions and unexpected results. They have good days and bad. They are often frustrating as I am faced with obstacles and trials to overcome. Research and life are only truly understood in retrospect when I reflect on the past, what I have learned, and the people who have helped me on the way. Time is always ticking fast but research is slow and people spend a lifetime waiting to grow and then wishing they did not grow up so fast. In both there is a constant fear that I will not live up to the expectations of others and never reach the impossible standards I set for myself. Both are filled with consequences of great success and failure. Success that is measured by my motivation to never give, to learn that falling down is necessary to live and failure is for those who are too afraid to try. Science is learning and making discoveries that will change the world. Life is discovering who I am, learning from the people and experiences in my life, and the transformations that change me so I too can change the world.
Life Experiences
Currently, I am working with a graduate student named Helen Mao. She is from China and I have really enjoyed getting to know her over the last couple of months. We became fast friends and are learning so much from each other. As she teaches me about two-yeast hybrid assays I am teaching her more about the American culture. It is amazing how different China is from the United States and how her experiences compare to mine. We share stories and laughs as we describe growing up and the special moments in our lives that define our cultures.
We have spent the semester working on techniques like electrophoresis, bacterial transformation, DNA plasmid isolation, and the yeast two-hybrid assay to identify the binding partners of the copine A protein. This can help us to determine the possible functions of copine A proteins and the signaling pathway in which they may be involved. It was a frustrating semester full of trial and errors as we tried to conduct a yeast- two hybrid assay that had never before been performed using Dictyostelium discoideum DNA. When the plates did not show results there were many variables to consider causing us to have to perform the experiment several more times. We discovered that instead of using 0.5 µL of DNA as the protocol suggested we had to use approximately 2,000 times that amount for the yeast to grow properly on the plates. Even though the experience was frustrating because it put my ability as a scientist into question I felt that I gained knowledge and skills that I would not have learned otherwise. I learned how to form questions and hypothesize about the results or lack of results we received and understand the process of the yeast two-hybrid to a much greater extent.
We have spent the semester working on techniques like electrophoresis, bacterial transformation, DNA plasmid isolation, and the yeast two-hybrid assay to identify the binding partners of the copine A protein. This can help us to determine the possible functions of copine A proteins and the signaling pathway in which they may be involved. It was a frustrating semester full of trial and errors as we tried to conduct a yeast- two hybrid assay that had never before been performed using Dictyostelium discoideum DNA. When the plates did not show results there were many variables to consider causing us to have to perform the experiment several more times. We discovered that instead of using 0.5 µL of DNA as the protocol suggested we had to use approximately 2,000 times that amount for the yeast to grow properly on the plates. Even though the experience was frustrating because it put my ability as a scientist into question I felt that I gained knowledge and skills that I would not have learned otherwise. I learned how to form questions and hypothesize about the results or lack of results we received and understand the process of the yeast two-hybrid to a much greater extent.
Accepted
I have been working in Dr. Damer's lab for a semester now and it has been an extraordinary experience. Unfortunately with all of my classes and studying during this semester I could not complete nearly as much research as I had hoped to do. I am looking forward to taking part in more research this semester because as a member of the McNair Program I was asked to limit my credit hours so I could devote my time to conducting research.
Dr. Damer is one of the most dedicated, helpful, and happiest research scientists I have ever met. She meets with her lab members at least twice a week, an individual meeting to discuss weekly progress and future goals, and a group lab meeting to learn of our coworkers progress. I feel very fortunate to be able to discuss not only my performance and observations in the lab but my educational goals and what I can expect as a graduate student. Dr. Damer is much more then the director of this lab, but a mentor and a friend. Dr. Damer confided in me that she often wondered if she had made the right career choice and questioned if there was not an easier path she could have taken but in the end she cannot imagine being happy doing anything else. As I question my future and the choices I make I can only hope that one day I am as happy as she is with my career choice.
The other students I work with are all very intelligent and dedicated to performing research. I was surprised to learn that their dedication to hard work is only surpassed by their loyalty and friendships with each other. Scientists have a reputation of quietly and independently making discoveries while avoiding social situations and the conflicts of the outside world. I have learned that the depiction of isolation and seclusion made popular by books like Frankenstein and on the movie screen is absolutely false. In Dr. Damer's lab, everyone is very good friends and have had the opportunity to bond with each other over the summer and spend time together outside of school. The atmosphere in the lab is always relaxed and full of good humor. Their friendships go beyond school work and laboratory research and that is what makes this lab special. They not only support and encourage each other as they face the challenges of difficult experiments and unexpected data but congratulate each other’s new discoveries and success.
During our first laboratory meeting after the Thanksgiving break, Tasha, a graduate student employed in the lab, looked over the table at me and said “Helena, Dr. Damer said that you had some very exciting news to share with all of us," and I did, I told them how I had found out over break that I had been accepted into the McNair Scholars Program and everyone congratulated me and applauded. I smiled at that moment because I felt like I had truly become a member of Dr. Damer's Lab.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Continuing My Story
Here is my application to the McNair program it tells you where I have been and where I am planing to go...
Stretching My Wings, Reaching for the Stars
In May 2009, I graduated with my Associate’s Degree in Pre-Professional Biology from Henry Ford Community College (HFCC). My future goals include earning a Bachelor Degree in Biomedical Science with a minor in Chemistry at Central Michigan University (CMU). I am interested in studying genetics and medical research and plan to apply to a Graduate Program in Biological Research. I can envision myself pursuing a career where I participate in research that has an effect on the health and welfare of mankind and the medical world, such as cures for diseases or genetic investigation.
The experiences in my life that opened my eyes to the possibility of research and earning a PhD began when I became a member of HFCC Honors Program. I was enrolled in an Honors Directed Study under the direction of Dr. Stepaniak (Microbiology and Immunology PhD). Where I investigated whether my twin sister and I are monozygotic (identical) or dizygotic (fraternal) twins. I performed DNA extractions from the participants and used polymerase chain reaction (PCR) to duplicate the DNA and to compare region PMCT 118 on chromosome 1, THO1 STR alleles on chromosome 11, and the PV62 region on chromosome16 in our DNA. While the results led to more questions than answers, the experience opened my eyes to the value of scientific research.
With the encouragement of Dr. Stepaniak, I applied for and was accepted into the Undergraduate Research Opportunity Program- Jack Kent Cooke Fellowship at the University of Michigan and worked at the Comprehensive Cancer Center. I worked with Dr. Hoban D.Sc. and studied how the Insulin-like Growth Factor Pathway is affected by various antibodies in Ewing’s Sarcoma Family Tumors. In our study we used tumor in vitro and cell lines derived from patients in a migration assay to illustrate how various antibodies can inhibit migration of chemokines in cancer cells. In addition, we conducted protein assays, electrophoresis (SDS page), and collected data from western blot analysis, giving us further confirmation that IGF-1R stimulates cancer cell growth and can be a key factor in apoptosis and decreased metastasis. This life changing experience helped me decide to dedicate my life to medical research.
When I arrived at CMU this fall, I pursued another opportunity to be involved in a research program and am now working in Dr. Damer’s lab using the model organism, Dictyostelium discoideum, to study a family of proteins called copines. I have been exposed to techniques like electrophoresis, bacterial transformation, DNA plasmid isolation, and the yeast two-hybrid assay. It is our goal to identify the protein binding partners of copine A in Dictyostelium cells. Identification of the binding partners of the copine A protein can help us to determine the possible functions of copine A proteins and the signaling pathway in which they may be involved. Ultimately, by increasing the understanding of the function of copines in eukaryotic organisms, we can contribute to the growing knowledge of the researching world.
I realize that the McNair Scholars Program was created to provide opportunities for undergraduate students who hope to pursue doctoral degrees. This program would provide me with conference materials, structure and the individual attention I would need to help me prepare for entry into a doctoral program. I am aware that a doctoral program would demand a tremendous amount of commitment and perseverance. Furthermore, I recognize that part of any academic program is the willingness to become a member of a team of individuals devoted to learning. As a member of this program, I would look forward to meeting and working with devoted teachers, motivated students and possible lifelong friends.
The HFCC Honors Program and the U of M Undergraduate Research Opportunity Program provided me with learned and dedicated professors and mentors that offered me exceptional guidance and encouragement and helped me develop my academic skills. Dr. Ronald Ervin McNair was an exceptional student, research scientist, pioneering astronaut, and a national hero of our time. McNair said “Whether or not you reach your goals in life depends entirely on how well you prepare for them and how badly you want them. You're eagles! Stretch your wings and fly to the sky.” Should I have the privilege of joining the McNair Scholars Program, I feel confident that I would be able to stretch my wings, soar into the sky and reach for the stars.
Stretching My Wings, Reaching for the Stars
In May 2009, I graduated with my Associate’s Degree in Pre-Professional Biology from Henry Ford Community College (HFCC). My future goals include earning a Bachelor Degree in Biomedical Science with a minor in Chemistry at Central Michigan University (CMU). I am interested in studying genetics and medical research and plan to apply to a Graduate Program in Biological Research. I can envision myself pursuing a career where I participate in research that has an effect on the health and welfare of mankind and the medical world, such as cures for diseases or genetic investigation.
The experiences in my life that opened my eyes to the possibility of research and earning a PhD began when I became a member of HFCC Honors Program. I was enrolled in an Honors Directed Study under the direction of Dr. Stepaniak (Microbiology and Immunology PhD). Where I investigated whether my twin sister and I are monozygotic (identical) or dizygotic (fraternal) twins. I performed DNA extractions from the participants and used polymerase chain reaction (PCR) to duplicate the DNA and to compare region PMCT 118 on chromosome 1, THO1 STR alleles on chromosome 11, and the PV62 region on chromosome16 in our DNA. While the results led to more questions than answers, the experience opened my eyes to the value of scientific research.
With the encouragement of Dr. Stepaniak, I applied for and was accepted into the Undergraduate Research Opportunity Program- Jack Kent Cooke Fellowship at the University of Michigan and worked at the Comprehensive Cancer Center. I worked with Dr. Hoban D.Sc. and studied how the Insulin-like Growth Factor Pathway is affected by various antibodies in Ewing’s Sarcoma Family Tumors. In our study we used tumor in vitro and cell lines derived from patients in a migration assay to illustrate how various antibodies can inhibit migration of chemokines in cancer cells. In addition, we conducted protein assays, electrophoresis (SDS page), and collected data from western blot analysis, giving us further confirmation that IGF-1R stimulates cancer cell growth and can be a key factor in apoptosis and decreased metastasis. This life changing experience helped me decide to dedicate my life to medical research.
When I arrived at CMU this fall, I pursued another opportunity to be involved in a research program and am now working in Dr. Damer’s lab using the model organism, Dictyostelium discoideum, to study a family of proteins called copines. I have been exposed to techniques like electrophoresis, bacterial transformation, DNA plasmid isolation, and the yeast two-hybrid assay. It is our goal to identify the protein binding partners of copine A in Dictyostelium cells. Identification of the binding partners of the copine A protein can help us to determine the possible functions of copine A proteins and the signaling pathway in which they may be involved. Ultimately, by increasing the understanding of the function of copines in eukaryotic organisms, we can contribute to the growing knowledge of the researching world.
I realize that the McNair Scholars Program was created to provide opportunities for undergraduate students who hope to pursue doctoral degrees. This program would provide me with conference materials, structure and the individual attention I would need to help me prepare for entry into a doctoral program. I am aware that a doctoral program would demand a tremendous amount of commitment and perseverance. Furthermore, I recognize that part of any academic program is the willingness to become a member of a team of individuals devoted to learning. As a member of this program, I would look forward to meeting and working with devoted teachers, motivated students and possible lifelong friends.
The HFCC Honors Program and the U of M Undergraduate Research Opportunity Program provided me with learned and dedicated professors and mentors that offered me exceptional guidance and encouragement and helped me develop my academic skills. Dr. Ronald Ervin McNair was an exceptional student, research scientist, pioneering astronaut, and a national hero of our time. McNair said “Whether or not you reach your goals in life depends entirely on how well you prepare for them and how badly you want them. You're eagles! Stretch your wings and fly to the sky.” Should I have the privilege of joining the McNair Scholars Program, I feel confident that I would be able to stretch my wings, soar into the sky and reach for the stars.
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