Promise

During the winter break I read the booklet Graduate School for You: A Guide to Prospective Graduate Students by Kidwell and Flagg and was very surprised at all that I learned. I have never before had graduate school described as “the opportunity to take control of your life,” and that is statement that expresses what I want in my life. I have had very little control in my life or the decisions I have made. As a child, choices were dictated by my parents and as a young adult my choices have been formed by not only my family but my financial status. I feel like I have been jumping through hoops to try and take the right classes and get scholarships and no matter how high I jump it is never high enough. College is like living in a race without anytime to catch my breath and with little control over the classes or life I live. I would love to take control over my life and my career. I think one of my biggest fears is that I will get my education and end up in a job that is unrewarding.
I was astonished at the amount of federal aid received by students pursuing a graduate degree and was not aware that there were fellowships offered by organizations and institutions to fund students. Although they are highly competitive and depend on academic merit as a source of income they do provide students with great opportunities. The only funding I was aware of was that given to research assistants and teaching assistants who are paid to work for the institution. I hoped that when I applied to graduate school I would be considered for a research position because I do have some experience and I hope to learn more.
I was shocked to learn that there are 1,800 higher education institutions in the United States. How am I ever supposed to choose one university to attend when there are unlimited possibilities? Even being limited to the biomedical field there is an endless list of programs in a countless number of schools. Kerry, a McNair alumnus, and a colleague in my lab, gave me a stack of mail that she had received from graduate programs and every school sounds wonderful, special, and unique.
It is equally as difficult for me to decide what kind of research I wanted to specialize in because many programs interest me. For example, the Human Genome Project has revolutionized our understanding of DNA and how genes translate into who we are. As a twin genetics has always been fascinating to me. I am also very interested in cancer and neurological research and there are countless other biomedical programs I have yet to be exposed too. There is one thing that I know for sure though and that is whatever I choose to do and wherever I go I will work to help people. I want to see my research make people happy and change the world and that will always be my motivation.
The booklet asked me to make an honest evaluation of myself and this perhaps is the hardest task for me to fulfill. I feel that I am intelligent and hard working and that I will always try my best but my greatest weakest is not believing in myself. Some days I can honestly say that I do not have the confidence that I am smart enough or good enough to go to a prestigious graduate school or apply to fellowships that depend on academic merit. I fear being rejected and it will be the one thing that keeps me from applying. But I can promise that I will always do my best and I won’t let anyone hold me back not even me.