I Can Read

I learned how to read today. I know you’re sitting there saying to yourself you don’t know how to read, what? It is absolutely true. Dr. Mowrey spoke to us about how to read at our seminar and I felt like my eyes were being open for the very first time. This explains why in childhood I had such a difficult time learning to read and comprehending the stories I read. And why in high school when I was taking Accelerated English courses I had such a hard time understanding what was wrong with the essays I was writing.
She said “if you have a tool you know how to use well, you can always use it on a project you don’t quite understand,” and that is true if you know how to read well you can always use your skills to read things you don’t understand. If you can read and understand a book or journal then you can write a great paper and if you can express your ideas on paper then you can express your ideas to people. It is your ability to talk to people that will help move you forward in the world making friends and meeting colleagues who will respect you and encourage you to succeed.
I was so excited about this new realization that I rushed home and called my little brother Leelynn. I said “Leelynn do you want to succeed?” And he said “yea, sure.” I said good “I’m going to teach you how to read.” He wasn’t perhaps as excited as I was but he will be. I told him that he no longer had to struggle with trying to understand a book or have difficulty reading and writing papers because I had the tools to help him. And no matter if he wanted to be an artist or an engineer he would have to know how to read and communicate effectively with others.
I told my mom and my aunt how this had made a light bulb go off in my head. It explained why my older brothers, sister, and I all had a very difficult time learning to read and write book reports in school. We all learned from the same school system and one that did not lay a strong foundation for our reading potential. I had succeeded in English class and literature classes up to now because I had a wonderful Aunt who helped to teach me the fundamental steps of reading and writing that I had not been exposed too and because I asked a lot of questions when I got something wrong.
I am passing this knowledge to my older brother who is planning to take his GRE and get a masters degree in robotics engineering. He like all of us has little confidence when it comes to reading and writing. We all got discouraged as children when reading was difficult and we were not taught the fundamental steps to understand how to read. I told Leelynn that he had four older brothers and sisters who could teach him how to study for math, science, music, computers, physic and now English and he didn’t have to ever be embarrassed or feel unintelligent because he didn’t understand, now he would be taught.

The Woman Behind McNair

I had my first meeting with the director to talk about my progress in the program so far. She seems to genuinely care about her students and wants to make sure they benefit from the program. It is a wonderful feeling to know someone is working hard to give us new and fantastic opportunities. She was very excited to see that I interviewed professors and the questions I had used. She even asked if she could keep them and look over my work. Her excitement made me happy. Lynn seems proud of me and I am too.
I can tell that Lynn loves her job. She loves helping others and that is important to me. She wants to know who I am, about my family, my motivations, and my goals. I am not one more student to go through a program that she is required to monitor as a part of her job. She treats me like a friend someone I can ask questions too and confide in. Her personality is vibrant and gives me the confidence that I can succeed at anything I put my mind too.
When I asked her about what I should look for in a mentor for graduate school she shared with me an e-mail sent to her from a previous McNair Scholar who said that in her own experience the best mentors in the world are those that you get along with and who care about your success as a student. It will not matter what kind of research you are doing if you love who you are working with. I will remember that advice.
The last question I asked her was what school she feels I can apply to and she said that she thinks I can apply to some very prestigious colleges, some smaller middle ranking colleges, and some I am sure I will get into. She said that she thought I could be accepted into some high ranking schools and her encouragement has helped me to believe too. Lynn is a very special person without her the McNair Program would not be the wonderful program it is today.

Only the Invisible Do Not Have Handprints

We met for our first research class today. Our instructor appears to be very kind, meticulous and perfect, an English teacher with an editor’s attitude. I think we are very lucky to have her to teach us how to write and perfect our proposal and research papers. But during the lecture she said something that really bothered me she said as researches we must all be modest we shouldn’t believe that one day we are going to cure cancer or change the world. This shocked me all I ever talk about is changing the world. Am I arrogant? Are my goals to high? Am I to proud? I don’t believe I am more intelligent or educated than anyone else but I believe I am doing something important. Her power point read “Recognize that you are not going to solve the world’s problems with one experiment but you are contributing to a larger pool of knowledge,” and I wondered why I wasn’t solving the world’s problems? What am I doing then? If the experiments I do today get published and read by a scientist tomorrow that sparks an idea that leads to an experiment that changes the world then did I not change the world too? By adding to that larger pool of knowledge aren’t I making a difference? Didn’t Alfred Russel Wallace and Rosalind Franklin make a difference? Everyone is changing the world they may not be winning a noble prize but their very existence is changing how people think, who we are. To live and die without leaving a footprint on earth is like being completely invisible. I would rather spend my lifetime believing I was part of something bigger then that my existence was insignificant. I want to leave my handprint on peoples’ lives and in their hearts. That is changing the world.

Their Stories have Changed Mine

When I entered the McNair Program I had already chosen Dr. Damer to be my mentor and was excited to have the opportunity to continue to work on the research we had began during the fall semester. I was asked to interview two other faculty members about their research to get more experience with the interviewing process. At first I was a little frustrated with the assignment I already had my mentor why should I meet with other professors and why should they want to meet with me? I didn’t want them to feel that I am wasting their time. Nevertheless, I e-mailed two science professors I had met during my first semester on campus and to my dismay they were both on leave. I did not know any other professors personally. I told my sister my predicament and she said that I should meet with the Dr. Sheide who she had signed her minor with. Plus, he was my instructor for my Mammalian Physiology course and this would give me an opportunity to introduce myself. I investigated the research Dr. Scheide was interested in and formulated questions not only about his research but his undergraduate school, graduate school, and career experience. He was very open and honest about the choices and trials he faced and I enjoyed the conversation very much. I learned a lot about what to expect when applying to graduate school and in a biological science fields. The last pieces of advice he gave me was to travel and apply to school outside of Michigan. Attending a graduate school would give me the opportunity to see the nation and he encouraged me to look at all my options.
Coincidently, the same piece of advice was given to me by the next instructor that I had visited. I had met Dr. Gorsich when I was working in Dr. Damer lab. He was doing research using yeast cells and he had become an irreplaceable resource to ask questions as we faced obstacles conducting our yeast-two hybrid assay. He was happy to answer all of my questions and I learned about what I should be looking for in a laboratory mentor and research experience as I apply to graduate school. As well as telling me of his own personal choices about college and the difficulty of balancing his academic and career goals with having a family.
The last professor I visited was Dr. Damer and although I knew a lot about her research I knew very little about her life or her expectations of me as a new McNair Scholars. We discussed the new opportunities open to me as a scholar and she was excited for me to visit schools and conferences. She too had wonderful stories and advice to share about choosing graduate schools and mentors. As well as the obstacles she faces as a professor and in her research.
This experience has given me the opportunity to ask my professors questions that I was secretly worried about but had never known who to ask. It was a wonderful learning experience and one I would recommend to everyone. My professors honestly told me what I should expect and shared with me their own personal lives and advice. I am thankful they shared so much.

The McNair Pack

That night we attended dinner where we met the graduating McNair students and had the opportunity to socialize with our classmates and get to know each other. On the way to the restaurant I car pooled with Bianca, Andy, and J.J. and we talked and laughed and I felt that we were old friends’ not new acquaintances. Bianca said to me that weekend “you know I think that if the older students from the previous year were in our group it would not have worked out as well, it’s like we match, do you know what I mean?” and I did I have never been in a group of people who were so diverse but yet very much the same. Perhaps when we interviewed the directors’ analyzed if they thought we would work well together and if that is the case then they have done a wonderful job. In the end I believe we were meant to meet and will learn a lot from each other. Part of what makes this program so special is the friends I am making along the way.

Inspired to Climb

At the end of the orientation there was a common theme that the social mentors shared and that was that each had a mentor in their lives that had helped to guide them to where they are today; a wonderful person who selflessly gave their time and wisdom to see their students succeed, someone who has inspired them to become part of McNair so they could help others. They wanted to give back because they realized they had been given so much. I feel that way too. I am so lucky to have a family who has worked so hard to make sure that their children go to college. I have been in programs, met directors, mentors, friends and the most wonderful teachers who have given me confidence to believe in myself and reach for the stars. Without these people in my life I would not be the same person. I may be climbing a mountain but I am not climbing alone, every step of the way I have had a hand outstretched to help me up and when I slipped they have never let me fall. And I am thankful because I could have never climbed the mountain alone.

Hearing my Fears

We had our second orientation today and were accepted into the program with open arms and welcoming smiles. First we met our social mentor, professors, who we could talk too about our progress through the McNair Program and to have as another resource to ask questions and reflect on our experience. They told each of us their life stories; the choices they had made that had led them to graduate school, and who had helped them on the way. In each story I saw little aspects of myself when they felt alone, unsure, when they met great mentors, and made life changing choices. There is one mentor that had one similar experience that deeply affected me because it reminded me of myself. He said that his father had never attended college, he had a blue collar job working for IBM, but when he was asked in college what his parents did for a living he said that his father worked at IBM because it was a safe answer. Most of his peers had parents who graduated from college and he did not know how his friends would react if they knew his parents did not have a college education. I knew exactly how he felt. It was scary to hear someone speak of a fear so similar to my own the fear that people would find out that you are different, poorer, low status, and believe you are less qualified.
It is hard to explain my feelings because I am confused. I am both proud of my family but embarrassed. I am embarrassed when I have to admit that neither of my parents attended college because I feel that people judge me and believe that my family isn’t intelligent and secretly wondering how I had turned out so smart when my parents were not. This frustrates me very much because I do not believe that my parents are unintelligent. I feel the need to defend them from the assumptions of others. A college degree does not make you a wonderful person, money earned from a good job does not give you a life rich with happiness, and a higher education does not make you a better parent. I imagine that my parents could have chosen to attend college and human services or sports management but that with or without a degree they have made me who I am and I would not change my family for the world.
My parents are very smart and they have given all of their children a chance to attend college. An opportunity they had never been given themselves. The encouragement and support that they did not have when graduating from high school was the gift they gave to me. They wanted to make a better future for their children and they have. My two older brothers, twin sister, younger brother and I are all attending and graduating for college.
My parents are not college graduates that is true but that does not make them less intelligent people or less affectionate parents. My parents have taught me some of the most important lessons in my life. To appreciate and thank the people who help me and to help others; how to be strong, to love, to be accepting, kind, friendly, caring, to work hard and never give up, that life is not always fair but things happen for a reason, when god closes a door he opens a window, and that no matter what path I choose in life they will always stand behind me.

The Family I Love

Returning to Central felt like I was returning home, I was welcomed and remembered and no longer alone. I missed my family but I was growing use to the separation between us and have grown to appreciate our time together because I realize it is fleeting. Perhaps one of the most important lessons I have learned from moving away is how much I love and care for my family and how much they miss and love me too. I am lucky to have a family that supports and encourages me not everyone is so lucky. Every moment is precious and I want my family to be a part of all the important moments in my life.