During the winter break I read the booklet Graduate School for You: A Guide to Prospective Graduate Students by Kidwell and Flagg and was very surprised at all that I learned. I have never before had graduate school described as “the opportunity to take control of your life,” and that is statement that expresses what I want in my life. I have had very little control in my life or the decisions I have made. As a child, choices were dictated by my parents and as a young adult my choices have been formed by not only my family but my financial status. I feel like I have been jumping through hoops to try and take the right classes and get scholarships and no matter how high I jump it is never high enough. College is like living in a race without anytime to catch my breath and with little control over the classes or life I live. I would love to take control over my life and my career. I think one of my biggest fears is that I will get my education and end up in a job that is unrewarding.
I was astonished at the amount of federal aid received by students pursuing a graduate degree and was not aware that there were fellowships offered by organizations and institutions to fund students. Although they are highly competitive and depend on academic merit as a source of income they do provide students with great opportunities. The only funding I was aware of was that given to research assistants and teaching assistants who are paid to work for the institution. I hoped that when I applied to graduate school I would be considered for a research position because I do have some experience and I hope to learn more.
I was shocked to learn that there are 1,800 higher education institutions in the United States. How am I ever supposed to choose one university to attend when there are unlimited possibilities? Even being limited to the biomedical field there is an endless list of programs in a countless number of schools. Kerry, a McNair alumnus, and a colleague in my lab, gave me a stack of mail that she had received from graduate programs and every school sounds wonderful, special, and unique.
It is equally as difficult for me to decide what kind of research I wanted to specialize in because many programs interest me. For example, the Human Genome Project has revolutionized our understanding of DNA and how genes translate into who we are. As a twin genetics has always been fascinating to me. I am also very interested in cancer and neurological research and there are countless other biomedical programs I have yet to be exposed too. There is one thing that I know for sure though and that is whatever I choose to do and wherever I go I will work to help people. I want to see my research make people happy and change the world and that will always be my motivation.
The booklet asked me to make an honest evaluation of myself and this perhaps is the hardest task for me to fulfill. I feel that I am intelligent and hard working and that I will always try my best but my greatest weakest is not believing in myself. Some days I can honestly say that I do not have the confidence that I am smart enough or good enough to go to a prestigious graduate school or apply to fellowships that depend on academic merit. I fear being rejected and it will be the one thing that keeps me from applying. But I can promise that I will always do my best and I won’t let anyone hold me back not even me.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Shine
You know that nervous feeling you get when you walk into a room, you don’t know anyone and you hope that someone will sit down next to you. You are worried about what everyone thinks of you at the same time that they are worried about what you think of them. That’s how I felt when I walked into orientation. But to my relief it worked out better than I could have imagined. Bianca is the Multicultural Advisor for my dorm and though I hadn’t spoken with her we recognized each other and she sat down next to me. As soon as we started talking we found that we had a lot in common and I think we will become fast friends. As we shared stories and details about our lives I learned that she lived directly above my dorm and I think we are both very happy to have a fellow McNair scholar that lives close by. She seems to be such a happy and positive person and someone I hope to get to know better. I know that I will be spending a lot of time with these ten students and I hope we all become great friends. I feel that the McNair program is much more than an opportunity to learn about graduate school but a chance to meet new people. One of the reasons that Marching Band, the Honors Program, and UROP have made a lasting impression in my life is because I have met great directors, teachers, mentors and lifelong friends. I heard this quote from a movie and I feel that it is why finding organizations like McNair and friendships are so important.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people don't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others (Timo Cruz- Coach Carter).
Our goal is not to compete with each other but to find encouragement and understanding within each other. Friends we can depend on when times are hard and are there to celebrate when we succeed. The road of success does not have to be dark and no longer does it have to be traveled alone but it can be traveled with friends who shine together.
The Key
When I left the Undergraduate Research Opportunity Program at the University of Michigan-Ann Arbor I seriously questioned if I was making the right decision to travel to Central Michigan University. Leaving behind the friends and connections I had made and the comforts of home to start over new. I visited Central Michigan before the summer and I fell in love with the school and how it felt when people cared very much about my success, financial security, and well being. I was more than an ID and tuition bill but a person and a student first and foremost. I could see CMU being my new home. But as I left UofM I wondered if it was wise to leave a university known nationally for its medical research and a place in the fall Undergraduate Research Opportunity Program to go to school that was not as well known for research and where no one knew me. I wrote several teachers at CMU expressing my interest in their laboratory research and meeting with them. When I arrived I met with a couple of the teachers and secured a lab position. From there I was introduced to the McNair Scholars Program and the promise it held for students like me, applied, and was accepted. One of the most important lessons I learned from this experience is that opportunities are not given they are made. Life will always present you with endless possibilities but being able to see the doors open to you and have the courage to walk through them is the key to changing your own life.
I feel confident that as a member of the McNair Scholars Program I am where I am suppose to be. We had our first meeting today and I learned about my classmates and how the program would help us to reach our full potential. I was amazed at the generosity of the program and the directors who are willing to fund our research, conferences, traveling expenses, McNair classes, GRE preparation, and test. I felt comforted to learn that I was no longer alone and there are students who are motivated to work hard and have just as many questions as I do. We had the opportunity to tell about our past and what had brought us to McNair and listen to each other’s history. The stories that affected me the most were Maureen’s and Lynn’s. It is very rare to find people who talk honestly and openly about the fears and obstacles they had to overcome in their past and I was surprised at how much they mirrored my own. They understood how blind and confused I felt with no one to guide me through school because at one time they had felt that way too. I feel that with our common backgrounds it will be easier to confide in them and trust that my questions will not be considered foolish or that my character will be judged. I don’t know if they realized that their willingness to trust us with their stories meant so much but they did to me.
I feel confident that as a member of the McNair Scholars Program I am where I am suppose to be. We had our first meeting today and I learned about my classmates and how the program would help us to reach our full potential. I was amazed at the generosity of the program and the directors who are willing to fund our research, conferences, traveling expenses, McNair classes, GRE preparation, and test. I felt comforted to learn that I was no longer alone and there are students who are motivated to work hard and have just as many questions as I do. We had the opportunity to tell about our past and what had brought us to McNair and listen to each other’s history. The stories that affected me the most were Maureen’s and Lynn’s. It is very rare to find people who talk honestly and openly about the fears and obstacles they had to overcome in their past and I was surprised at how much they mirrored my own. They understood how blind and confused I felt with no one to guide me through school because at one time they had felt that way too. I feel that with our common backgrounds it will be easier to confide in them and trust that my questions will not be considered foolish or that my character will be judged. I don’t know if they realized that their willingness to trust us with their stories meant so much but they did to me.
The Research of My Life
Research is not my life but my life is like research. In life and research I feel like I am walking into the darkness holding tightly to a candle of knowledge to lighten my way and hoping that I am traveling in the right direction. Both are filled with unanswered questions and unexpected results. They have good days and bad. They are often frustrating as I am faced with obstacles and trials to overcome. Research and life are only truly understood in retrospect when I reflect on the past, what I have learned, and the people who have helped me on the way. Time is always ticking fast but research is slow and people spend a lifetime waiting to grow and then wishing they did not grow up so fast. In both there is a constant fear that I will not live up to the expectations of others and never reach the impossible standards I set for myself. Both are filled with consequences of great success and failure. Success that is measured by my motivation to never give, to learn that falling down is necessary to live and failure is for those who are too afraid to try. Science is learning and making discoveries that will change the world. Life is discovering who I am, learning from the people and experiences in my life, and the transformations that change me so I too can change the world.
Life Experiences
Currently, I am working with a graduate student named Helen Mao. She is from China and I have really enjoyed getting to know her over the last couple of months. We became fast friends and are learning so much from each other. As she teaches me about two-yeast hybrid assays I am teaching her more about the American culture. It is amazing how different China is from the United States and how her experiences compare to mine. We share stories and laughs as we describe growing up and the special moments in our lives that define our cultures.
We have spent the semester working on techniques like electrophoresis, bacterial transformation, DNA plasmid isolation, and the yeast two-hybrid assay to identify the binding partners of the copine A protein. This can help us to determine the possible functions of copine A proteins and the signaling pathway in which they may be involved. It was a frustrating semester full of trial and errors as we tried to conduct a yeast- two hybrid assay that had never before been performed using Dictyostelium discoideum DNA. When the plates did not show results there were many variables to consider causing us to have to perform the experiment several more times. We discovered that instead of using 0.5 µL of DNA as the protocol suggested we had to use approximately 2,000 times that amount for the yeast to grow properly on the plates. Even though the experience was frustrating because it put my ability as a scientist into question I felt that I gained knowledge and skills that I would not have learned otherwise. I learned how to form questions and hypothesize about the results or lack of results we received and understand the process of the yeast two-hybrid to a much greater extent.
We have spent the semester working on techniques like electrophoresis, bacterial transformation, DNA plasmid isolation, and the yeast two-hybrid assay to identify the binding partners of the copine A protein. This can help us to determine the possible functions of copine A proteins and the signaling pathway in which they may be involved. It was a frustrating semester full of trial and errors as we tried to conduct a yeast- two hybrid assay that had never before been performed using Dictyostelium discoideum DNA. When the plates did not show results there were many variables to consider causing us to have to perform the experiment several more times. We discovered that instead of using 0.5 µL of DNA as the protocol suggested we had to use approximately 2,000 times that amount for the yeast to grow properly on the plates. Even though the experience was frustrating because it put my ability as a scientist into question I felt that I gained knowledge and skills that I would not have learned otherwise. I learned how to form questions and hypothesize about the results or lack of results we received and understand the process of the yeast two-hybrid to a much greater extent.
Accepted
I have been working in Dr. Damer's lab for a semester now and it has been an extraordinary experience. Unfortunately with all of my classes and studying during this semester I could not complete nearly as much research as I had hoped to do. I am looking forward to taking part in more research this semester because as a member of the McNair Program I was asked to limit my credit hours so I could devote my time to conducting research.
Dr. Damer is one of the most dedicated, helpful, and happiest research scientists I have ever met. She meets with her lab members at least twice a week, an individual meeting to discuss weekly progress and future goals, and a group lab meeting to learn of our coworkers progress. I feel very fortunate to be able to discuss not only my performance and observations in the lab but my educational goals and what I can expect as a graduate student. Dr. Damer is much more then the director of this lab, but a mentor and a friend. Dr. Damer confided in me that she often wondered if she had made the right career choice and questioned if there was not an easier path she could have taken but in the end she cannot imagine being happy doing anything else. As I question my future and the choices I make I can only hope that one day I am as happy as she is with my career choice.
The other students I work with are all very intelligent and dedicated to performing research. I was surprised to learn that their dedication to hard work is only surpassed by their loyalty and friendships with each other. Scientists have a reputation of quietly and independently making discoveries while avoiding social situations and the conflicts of the outside world. I have learned that the depiction of isolation and seclusion made popular by books like Frankenstein and on the movie screen is absolutely false. In Dr. Damer's lab, everyone is very good friends and have had the opportunity to bond with each other over the summer and spend time together outside of school. The atmosphere in the lab is always relaxed and full of good humor. Their friendships go beyond school work and laboratory research and that is what makes this lab special. They not only support and encourage each other as they face the challenges of difficult experiments and unexpected data but congratulate each other’s new discoveries and success.
During our first laboratory meeting after the Thanksgiving break, Tasha, a graduate student employed in the lab, looked over the table at me and said “Helena, Dr. Damer said that you had some very exciting news to share with all of us," and I did, I told them how I had found out over break that I had been accepted into the McNair Scholars Program and everyone congratulated me and applauded. I smiled at that moment because I felt like I had truly become a member of Dr. Damer's Lab.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Continuing My Story
Here is my application to the McNair program it tells you where I have been and where I am planing to go...
Stretching My Wings, Reaching for the Stars
In May 2009, I graduated with my Associate’s Degree in Pre-Professional Biology from Henry Ford Community College (HFCC). My future goals include earning a Bachelor Degree in Biomedical Science with a minor in Chemistry at Central Michigan University (CMU). I am interested in studying genetics and medical research and plan to apply to a Graduate Program in Biological Research. I can envision myself pursuing a career where I participate in research that has an effect on the health and welfare of mankind and the medical world, such as cures for diseases or genetic investigation.
The experiences in my life that opened my eyes to the possibility of research and earning a PhD began when I became a member of HFCC Honors Program. I was enrolled in an Honors Directed Study under the direction of Dr. Stepaniak (Microbiology and Immunology PhD). Where I investigated whether my twin sister and I are monozygotic (identical) or dizygotic (fraternal) twins. I performed DNA extractions from the participants and used polymerase chain reaction (PCR) to duplicate the DNA and to compare region PMCT 118 on chromosome 1, THO1 STR alleles on chromosome 11, and the PV62 region on chromosome16 in our DNA. While the results led to more questions than answers, the experience opened my eyes to the value of scientific research.
With the encouragement of Dr. Stepaniak, I applied for and was accepted into the Undergraduate Research Opportunity Program- Jack Kent Cooke Fellowship at the University of Michigan and worked at the Comprehensive Cancer Center. I worked with Dr. Hoban D.Sc. and studied how the Insulin-like Growth Factor Pathway is affected by various antibodies in Ewing’s Sarcoma Family Tumors. In our study we used tumor in vitro and cell lines derived from patients in a migration assay to illustrate how various antibodies can inhibit migration of chemokines in cancer cells. In addition, we conducted protein assays, electrophoresis (SDS page), and collected data from western blot analysis, giving us further confirmation that IGF-1R stimulates cancer cell growth and can be a key factor in apoptosis and decreased metastasis. This life changing experience helped me decide to dedicate my life to medical research.
When I arrived at CMU this fall, I pursued another opportunity to be involved in a research program and am now working in Dr. Damer’s lab using the model organism, Dictyostelium discoideum, to study a family of proteins called copines. I have been exposed to techniques like electrophoresis, bacterial transformation, DNA plasmid isolation, and the yeast two-hybrid assay. It is our goal to identify the protein binding partners of copine A in Dictyostelium cells. Identification of the binding partners of the copine A protein can help us to determine the possible functions of copine A proteins and the signaling pathway in which they may be involved. Ultimately, by increasing the understanding of the function of copines in eukaryotic organisms, we can contribute to the growing knowledge of the researching world.
I realize that the McNair Scholars Program was created to provide opportunities for undergraduate students who hope to pursue doctoral degrees. This program would provide me with conference materials, structure and the individual attention I would need to help me prepare for entry into a doctoral program. I am aware that a doctoral program would demand a tremendous amount of commitment and perseverance. Furthermore, I recognize that part of any academic program is the willingness to become a member of a team of individuals devoted to learning. As a member of this program, I would look forward to meeting and working with devoted teachers, motivated students and possible lifelong friends.
The HFCC Honors Program and the U of M Undergraduate Research Opportunity Program provided me with learned and dedicated professors and mentors that offered me exceptional guidance and encouragement and helped me develop my academic skills. Dr. Ronald Ervin McNair was an exceptional student, research scientist, pioneering astronaut, and a national hero of our time. McNair said “Whether or not you reach your goals in life depends entirely on how well you prepare for them and how badly you want them. You're eagles! Stretch your wings and fly to the sky.” Should I have the privilege of joining the McNair Scholars Program, I feel confident that I would be able to stretch my wings, soar into the sky and reach for the stars.
Stretching My Wings, Reaching for the Stars
In May 2009, I graduated with my Associate’s Degree in Pre-Professional Biology from Henry Ford Community College (HFCC). My future goals include earning a Bachelor Degree in Biomedical Science with a minor in Chemistry at Central Michigan University (CMU). I am interested in studying genetics and medical research and plan to apply to a Graduate Program in Biological Research. I can envision myself pursuing a career where I participate in research that has an effect on the health and welfare of mankind and the medical world, such as cures for diseases or genetic investigation.
The experiences in my life that opened my eyes to the possibility of research and earning a PhD began when I became a member of HFCC Honors Program. I was enrolled in an Honors Directed Study under the direction of Dr. Stepaniak (Microbiology and Immunology PhD). Where I investigated whether my twin sister and I are monozygotic (identical) or dizygotic (fraternal) twins. I performed DNA extractions from the participants and used polymerase chain reaction (PCR) to duplicate the DNA and to compare region PMCT 118 on chromosome 1, THO1 STR alleles on chromosome 11, and the PV62 region on chromosome16 in our DNA. While the results led to more questions than answers, the experience opened my eyes to the value of scientific research.
With the encouragement of Dr. Stepaniak, I applied for and was accepted into the Undergraduate Research Opportunity Program- Jack Kent Cooke Fellowship at the University of Michigan and worked at the Comprehensive Cancer Center. I worked with Dr. Hoban D.Sc. and studied how the Insulin-like Growth Factor Pathway is affected by various antibodies in Ewing’s Sarcoma Family Tumors. In our study we used tumor in vitro and cell lines derived from patients in a migration assay to illustrate how various antibodies can inhibit migration of chemokines in cancer cells. In addition, we conducted protein assays, electrophoresis (SDS page), and collected data from western blot analysis, giving us further confirmation that IGF-1R stimulates cancer cell growth and can be a key factor in apoptosis and decreased metastasis. This life changing experience helped me decide to dedicate my life to medical research.
When I arrived at CMU this fall, I pursued another opportunity to be involved in a research program and am now working in Dr. Damer’s lab using the model organism, Dictyostelium discoideum, to study a family of proteins called copines. I have been exposed to techniques like electrophoresis, bacterial transformation, DNA plasmid isolation, and the yeast two-hybrid assay. It is our goal to identify the protein binding partners of copine A in Dictyostelium cells. Identification of the binding partners of the copine A protein can help us to determine the possible functions of copine A proteins and the signaling pathway in which they may be involved. Ultimately, by increasing the understanding of the function of copines in eukaryotic organisms, we can contribute to the growing knowledge of the researching world.
I realize that the McNair Scholars Program was created to provide opportunities for undergraduate students who hope to pursue doctoral degrees. This program would provide me with conference materials, structure and the individual attention I would need to help me prepare for entry into a doctoral program. I am aware that a doctoral program would demand a tremendous amount of commitment and perseverance. Furthermore, I recognize that part of any academic program is the willingness to become a member of a team of individuals devoted to learning. As a member of this program, I would look forward to meeting and working with devoted teachers, motivated students and possible lifelong friends.
The HFCC Honors Program and the U of M Undergraduate Research Opportunity Program provided me with learned and dedicated professors and mentors that offered me exceptional guidance and encouragement and helped me develop my academic skills. Dr. Ronald Ervin McNair was an exceptional student, research scientist, pioneering astronaut, and a national hero of our time. McNair said “Whether or not you reach your goals in life depends entirely on how well you prepare for them and how badly you want them. You're eagles! Stretch your wings and fly to the sky.” Should I have the privilege of joining the McNair Scholars Program, I feel confident that I would be able to stretch my wings, soar into the sky and reach for the stars.
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